I woke up with a back ache again. I am up as it is my day off and I can nap later today if I need to. I have a team meeting for my team this morning at 9AM so I have to order food for them at around 7:30 or so to get it in time for the meeting.
One of my many roles is manager. I am also grandfather, husband, brother, uncle, grownup. I go up and down a lot with my confidence in my self in these roles.
Grownup is the biggie for me.
As a grownup I am responsible for my own self management. For example; today is my day off. I really need to pick up the working out again. I really have to prepare for this meeting. At home, we are meeting with a bankruptcy attorney in two days and I need to make sure everything is ready. I have to prepare food and figure out what and how I am going to eat today to stay on the Weight Watchers program I have done successfully for 5 days now. I think I may have lost 5 pounds.
At work I am struggling with how to be a better manager and team player. Am I doing enough for my other team members? Should I ask them? How should I ask them? What am I missing? Am I doing enough for my store?
At home I wonder if I am paying enough attention to my wife? Am I budgeting our money correctly? How can I better do that? How can I plan a successful vacation and pay for it? Am I doing enough for our future? How do I prioritize things? Are my dogs getting enough attention and walking time? How do I arrange and plan for the house repairs? Is the back lawn watered? Grass cut? Clothes for work clean? I may have a garage sale in the planning for the weekend, do I have enough time for it to get ready? When do we shop for more food for WW?
During all these questions are the self doubts. Why don't I work out everyday when I know it helps me? What makes me give it up? Why don't I do sit ups when I know it will help my back? Why don't I do exercises that will help me straighten my back? Why don't I plan any me time? When do I do that? Am I a failure? Am I too hard on myself? Too easy? Why can't I relax?
So many questions and they all relate to each other. I feel like there is an answer in there somewhere. And I feel if I could find it I would be the person I really want to be.
I honestly feel exercise is the start of that answer. If I can get myself to a place of peace with my body, then my mind follows. And starting with that I can do more concerning everything else. At least I think that is true. But I won't know for sure until I get there.
I feel good knowing I am on a program to help with my weight and that for 5 days so far I have been faithful to it.
It is now 5:40Am.... I feel better having wrote this.
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