Friday, December 11, 2009

The holiday and veiws of Jesus, Christ, etc...

I saw this today .

"Aiming to gather 1 million 'virtual' people who aren't ashamed to celebrate the coming of Jesus Christ into our world!"

And something like it a few weeks ago

"Let's see who is not ashamed to profess their love for Jesus!"


I love to hear people profess their love for Jesus but the "ashamed" part bothers me because I don't think Jesus would want people who choose to keep their faith more private be shamed for it. I don't tell a lot of people my faith.That does not mean I am ashamed of it. I just don't think it is everybody business.

SO, if you want to profess your love for Jesus or say this is the season, GO FOR IT! But please remember that to shame those who aren't as outgoing as you would probably not be what Jesus would want, would it????

Just a thought.... "Aiming to gather 1 million 'virtual' people who want to celebrate the coming of Jesus Christ into our world!"


Happy Christmas, Hanukkah, etc..

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Operation Holding Jacob

So, I am sitting here with a bit of back ache.. Just woke up, at 8:30AM on my 2nd day off.. I am thinking about my grandson and how it hurts my back just a touch when I pick him up... I am also reading this book called "Get Motivated" by Tamara Lowe and it talks about getting involved in a group of people to help you on your journey...

So, I want to start this sit up push up thing as it would do two things... One, get my back in shape and also help my posture. Not a bad combination.

So, today,,,, I promise you and myself, I start.. ON PUSH UP, ONE SIT UP.... That is all. Just that.. Get down on the floor and do the exercise... I need your help here!

Although I have been in ABQ for about two months, I do not have a network of friends out here... I have a few friends but not the network of support I had in Cali... So, help me if you would! Just a little nudge! Help me Cali Friends and anyone reading this!!!

Monday, July 20, 2009

It must be morning....

So, it must be morning cause the dogs are making some noise, my nose is stuffed up and I am groggy.... "I am awake,,, I am awake" I say to myself out loud just to make sure it's true.. Another allergy laden day in ABQ.. Today I call a doctor..

One of my nostrils hurts.. I don't even have to touch it! It just hurts...Guess it is tired of being stuffed up and is rebelling...

So this is my work out, weight lost log... Today I will walk doggies.. Today I will do the first one push up and one sit up.. Today I will.... CALL THE F#@##ing doctor...

Today will be a nice day here. Oh yeah. Someone suggested Clariton. I will try that too. What the hell! About now, I will try nose removal!!!

So, I know this has been VERY interesting... YEAH!! Off to start my day...

Saturday, July 18, 2009

"If Only" and "The Downers"

So, I saw a movie yesterday. Does not really matter which one. At the end of movies I sometimes get depressed. I think about the times gone bye, what I could have done, what I could have been...

I thought about it last night after the movie I saw and then it hit me.. (BONK) So, am I what I want to be? If I wanted to be something different couldn't I? Have I ever really not accomplished anything I set my heart out to do???

But, why do I get down after a movie? I know why... It reminds me of my past, my distant past. When I was younger I used to get picked on a lot at school. The only times when I was not picked on was when I was alone or someone in the family had died (Which happened a lot more than once)... Being sad was comforting, safe. I knew if I was sad, or alone I was not going to be embarrassed, picked on, bothered. It was my own private fantasy zone of being someone else, anywhere else.

So after movies that remind me of my childhood or of very wealthy, strong, etc people, places, I get the "could have been's" If only, I could have, if only I, if only...

I "if only" all over myself....

The thing is, I could just as easily walk out of movies happy and enjoying the fact that I am alive..
Yeah..

But to do that I had to really come to grips with the fact that the downers where actually a life saver for me when I was younger. It was comforting and safe and a place to hide... I almost became invisible... So in order to not have to do that know, I had to acknowledge that at a younger place and time that was something that worked and honestly was probably healthy for me!

Now that I am older, I am what I want to be. I am happily married, have an awesome family (Daughter, son-in-law, grandson) and I really enjoy my job. (Even get a fun car to drive!)

So, although "The Downers" worked for me when I was younger, they don't help me now. As a matter of fact they keep me from the right I have to enjoy the now. So by acknowledging that "the downers" helped me when I was younger, I can now let them go as they are not helping me now. I am older, wiser and able to stand up for myself. My world is not the same one as it was as a child. I am not the little boy with out a dad anymore. I am not shy, afraid of speaking my mind, just being me.

If I wanted to be wealthier I would be.. And I say wealthier because I am wealthy. I have everything I want and really need... Everything...

So, last night was a good one for me. I was able to work through some feelings that keep popping up and understand them and then move on....... And this morning I walked the dogs and took care of them and myself.... Probably not the last time they will come up but next time I can deal with them and enjoy myself..

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Something done

OK, so I did not do sit ups or push ups.. BUT I did walk the dogs tonight and took them to the dog park this morning.... That is something!!


I am reading this book called "Get Motivated" by Tamara Lowe and so far, I am liking it. I was reading it before and put it down then picked it up and am reading some more and liking it more and I want to get those concepts into reality.. (Always the hard part for me...) So, slowly, I am adjusting..

Having the dogs here makes a big difference! I love them so much!!!

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

back to basics - 7-10-09 updated

Back to basics....

I have to look through the logs to see when I started and when I last made an entry.. I need to do this again as I have completely stopped working out. I don't know why I did, I mean you could say lots of things stopped me, the moving from CA to Albuquerque or my new job at the same company or the missing the family or, or, or.. Bottom line is I am back to not working on my body and I need to be back there....

Strangely enough my knee does not hurt me anymore. I have also had problems with my foot in the past but some insoles from the Dr took care of that.. I have been struggling to just do a sit up or two, or a push up or two. Amazing! There is no 24 hour fitness out here which really sucks as I have a life time membership with them.... I do not want to spend anymore money on clubs that I go to some days, not others.

So, here I am. As I said, I will look through the logs and see what I see and try to pick this up again....Your support, not nagging me, is appreciated...

I am still in Weight Watchers although this week has been more like, so what... I will be out of town for three days then back... I will have my dogs soon so I will have to exercise them, hence, exercise me. They need a lot of attention so it will be a good thing to concentrate on them...

Wish me luck people!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Nata Nata Nata

No working out for me. Not yesterday, not today.. I am soooo tired....

Little or nothing to say.....

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Challenges

Weight Watchers continues to be a challenge. I have a good day, then bad, good then bad. I was OK most of the day but came home and was starving....

I am doing OK now and I eat plan type stuff, just a lot of plan type stuff...

So, now I am satisfied as can be I guess...

Day at a time...

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Where does the time go?

It is Thursday night and I did work out on Tuesday.. I sound like that hamburger guy...

I have lost 3 pounds with WW.. Weighed in today... the night is ending and I have a big day tomorrow so it is beddy by time...

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Oh my achen back

It is 5:30 am and I woke up with a really bad back ache. I knew I would probably be hurting today as I ran with my daughters dog yesterday. He had been stuck in the house and so I thought I would get him some exercise (and myself too) so I ran with him in a park. RAN, not jogged, ran. It was fun at the time but I had not worked out in a week and I knew when I did it I would probably pay for it....


It is worth it..... But still, freaken hurts...

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Self Management or- On being a Grownup

It is early. Very early. It is 5:18AM. Below is a picture of outside...


I woke up with a back ache again. I am up as it is my day off and I can nap later today if I need to. I have a team meeting for my team this morning at 9AM so I have to order food for them at around 7:30 or so to get it in time for the meeting.

One of my many roles is manager. I am also grandfather, husband, brother, uncle, grownup. I go up and down a lot with my confidence in my self in these roles.

Grownup is the biggie for me.

As a grownup I am responsible for my own self management. For example; today is my day off. I really need to pick up the working out again. I really have to prepare for this meeting. At home, we are meeting with a bankruptcy attorney in two days and I need to make sure everything is ready. I have to prepare food and figure out what and how I am going to eat today to stay on the Weight Watchers program I have done successfully for 5 days now. I think I may have lost 5 pounds.

At work I am struggling with how to be a better manager and team player. Am I doing enough for my other team members? Should I ask them? How should I ask them? What am I missing? Am I doing enough for my store?

At home I wonder if I am paying enough attention to my wife? Am I budgeting our money correctly? How can I better do that? How can I plan a successful vacation and pay for it? Am I doing enough for our future? How do I prioritize things? Are my dogs getting enough attention and walking time? How do I arrange and plan for the house repairs? Is the back lawn watered? Grass cut? Clothes for work clean? I may have a garage sale in the planning for the weekend, do I have enough time for it to get ready? When do we shop for more food for WW?

During all these questions are the self doubts. Why don't I work out everyday when I know it helps me? What makes me give it up? Why don't I do sit ups when I know it will help my back? Why don't I do exercises that will help me straighten my back? Why don't I plan any me time? When do I do that? Am I a failure? Am I too hard on myself? Too easy? Why can't I relax?

So many questions and they all relate to each other. I feel like there is an answer in there somewhere. And I feel if I could find it I would be the person I really want to be.

I honestly feel exercise is the start of that answer. If I can get myself to a place of peace with my body, then my mind follows. And starting with that I can do more concerning everything else. At least I think that is true. But I won't know for sure until I get there.

I feel good knowing I am on a program to help with my weight and that for 5 days so far I have been faithful to it.

It is now 5:40Am.... I feel better having wrote this.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Sometimes you punt

So, what does that mean? I don't know I just like it... I have not worked out in like over a week or so. I am on the WW plan and it is day three and doing pretty well.

I can go to da gym tomorrow as I don't have to be at work until 1PM... What excuses can I come up with to not go???

I know... Elephant flu... Or Sleepidus or I don't care idus....

OK, OK, maybe I will go.. Jezz, give me a break already!!

Friday, May 1, 2009

Building the pyramid


^^^^^^Eating right^^^^^

Exercise -------------- Rest
Today I started to work on what I like to call "The third point of the pyramid" I went to my first Weight Watchers meeting with with my wife and BBF Jenifer Leilani..... We went to Wal Mart this mornig and shopped for food... While I am typing this I am eating, happily, Orville Redenbacher's Pop Corn and I love it.. It is zero points and 1000 points delicious!!!

As you can see... Holly is helping me clean up any crumbs I drop....



My next meeting is next week... I really, REALLY want to lose at least 5 pounds by then...


I am hoping for the best. This is the last part. I am exercising, getting good rest, now with the diet plan in place, if I continue to do all three I truly believe the weight will begin to fall away..

Stay with me people.. This is the MOST excited I have been in a while!!!

Lets do it together!!

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Spiral


I have not worked out since last Sunday? I have been home and up and down. Eating, not over eating too much but eating... I have been sleeping a lot, waking up down.

I am feeling crappy. I am taking care of myself in my own way. I am hoping this passes soon. I am tired now as it is after 10PM. Being so I am being careful what I share as I am not so careful when I am tired.

So what is next? Tomorrow. Up and down, up and down....

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Hello, my name is Belly

Hello, I am Belly.

I am Jay's best friend...

Jay wants to join this thing called Weight Watchers... He already paid for it but I do my best to keep him from thinking about it by reminding him about all the food he still has to eat..

Pizza..
I know he loves pizza, and eating out at restaurants and snacking on stuff and burgers and fries and creamy, dreamy fun food that makes me, Belly, so much more prevalent in his life. I am soooo big now, I feel like I am more apart of Jay than anything else anywhere!

Jay always knows I am there too, especially when he bends over to tie his shoe or tries to lay on me. I am so round he can't quite stay on his belly, (me) for very long because I make it uncomfortable for him. You see, I like to be in front. I like to be the first thing people see when they see Jay.. I wish they would acknowledge me more.. "My what a big belly you have!" Or, "Nice belly, how long did it take you to get that going?"

So, whenever Jay talks crazy like about diet stuff or too much exercise, I have to chime in and rumble and remind him there are restaurants and snacks and lots and lots of tasty food he has to eat NOW to help me stay up front and right there for him.... You know, if he did not need to put on shoes, I think he would have already forgotten his feet.....

Well, got to go, I just ate but I have to remind Jay another meal needs to arrive soon....

Sunday, April 19, 2009

A day of rest - sort of

So, I did not do a workout today but after a big meal, I did go to the room, get on the elliptical and walk for a little while.. The treadmill here is broke..

Tomorrow is my last day here... YEAH!!!!! Don't get me wrong, I LOVE IT here but I miss my wife and dogs, my grandson, my daughter and son-in-law, etc....

Life is good. I have my ups and downs but life is good.

Just a short note today.. Maybe in the AM I will get it going on again and do some serious workout again!!!

Maybe,,, HELL YES I WILL!!!!!

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Twenty Five and Down!!!!!

I just did 25 minutes on a bicycle in the workout room here and it was the best 25 minutes I have ever had on a workout room type bicycle. It was tough, fun and just plain great not to mention that I am so pumped right now for going that long....

When I get back to 24 hour's club I am going to have to rethink how I can make those bikes as rigorous as this one is... Man, that was awesome.. .I feel so accomplished right now...my arms are even sore... I did overhead stuff with them while on the bike... My body feels like WORKED! I think I am getting closer and closer to that "runners high" and I am lovin it... I can't wait until I am doing this without the extra belly!!!

I almost got a cramp in my leg during the workout so I had to adjust to make sure I did not freeze up... My arms are actually aching as I type this!!!!! GOOD for ME!!!


I have noticed my knee is not hurting anymore.. Maybe a little but that is it... I am taking two Excedrin PM's before bed so I don't wake up with such a backache and it seems to be helping with sleep and pain...

Any who... it is off to breakfast then work.... YEAH JAY FOR TODAY!!!

Friday, April 17, 2009

Pump up the Jam!

OK, so I am doing things right. I am going to the workout room each day. Today I did 25 minutes straight! I am proud of myself for that. The eating - although I still do not have that down, I am not stuffing myself either... I am pleasantly full after dinner tonight and lunch was the same.

I realized today that although I am carrying more than my fair share of weight, because I have been doing some cardio I feel better than I used to. I can really tell..

For example - when I was not working out I felt tired a lot and bloated and gaseous and sleepy. Now I know the sleepy was also the sleep deprivation from the apnea but even with that I still felt like crap. I felt physically weak, mentally exhausted - just like ache all the time.

It is weird, hard to really give you a picture, just like I was a differnt person. Now, even though I get winded, and I am fat, I have this huge belly, I am not extreamly out of shape. I don't get crazy hungry, I don't get cranky, I am not in pain or easily tired anymore. All this just from just getting some exercise like 20 to 25 minutes a day.......

.....RIGHT ON DUDE.....
And so it goes at the end of another good day...

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Another day another test

I did go down to the workout room today. I was on the bicycle for 20 minutes. It is hard to motivate myself every single day but I am doing it.

I feel so larger than life right now and I wake up depressed. I talked with Jennifer Leilani (my wife) this morning and she really pulled me out of it. The thing is I wake up with a back ache every day and I know a lot of it has to do with the extra belly on my belly full of jelly.... You wake up look down and there it is.. BELLY... your back hurts, your not as rested as you could be, you bend over and you have to like breath out to do it.. It sucks... I saw this pill on TV that supposedly helps you lose belly fat... I swear I might just try it....

But at least when I go to the gym, or club or work out room, I can say I did something...

Eating is still a MAJOR challenge for me. One day at a time... Or rather one meal at a time...

Still. I am writing, getting some exercise and working through my frustrations... I guess that is all you can ask for....

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Challenges

So, things have been different since Easter. I am on a work assignment. My first day I did not work out at all. The second, 7 minutes.... Today, 25.. Felt good today, felt really good.

I am not with my wife for the next several days and last night the strain showed.. How? I ate and ate and ate. I bought an 8 peice at the local market and ate it all... All 8 pieces... I woke up depressed. Looking down at the huge mound of belly I still have, feeling like just lying there like a lump. Then I thought about my blog. Seriously, I thought about my blog and how good I felt when I worked out, when I was working out hard and feeling the feeling of accomplishment.

So, I pushed myself to get dressed, texted my wife and went down to the gym and I did do 23 minutes on the elliptical and 5 on the bike.. I was done on the bike after it went up in the random mode which stopped my workout.....

Then I came to this computer to write it all down.... I need to stick to this program. I HAVE TO. If not, things will not change. I must lose this bulg of the belly.

That is all for now....

Friday, April 10, 2009

Well la de da



No, once again, I did not work out. I spent the day with my grandson, my daughter and my wife. I ran here, ran there... Well , drove... Spent time petting two sets of dogs.... It was a day of visiting....

I guess the good news is I spent the day with my family. It was kind of a Disney day. My little grandson was awesome, cute, fun, adorable... My daughter let me hold him and talk with him forever... My wife and I went to get some things we needed and took the dogs along part of the time...

I had a good day.

On the down side.... I tried to buy some pants t0day... I was a 44... Before that a 42.... I am now
a size 46..... 40 freaking 6.... I am larger than life...
So, yes, I finally found pants, and shorts to fit me... It took me three stores to find them.. So, yes that is very close to me sitting in that chair... That is how I feel. The belly is like jelly, it is always kind of swelly. I like to watch the telly and dream of no more belly....


So I go to sleep tonight thinking.. I need to HIT the GYM....

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Perception


So, I have not gone to the gym since 4/4 that is 4 days.... Now when I woke up today I thought; "man, it has been a week since I have even worked out!"

Now I can see how the spiral in the past started. Not only has it not been a full week, it has only been 4 days. AND, not only has it not been a week, I did walk on my lunch break on Monday and Tuesday.

True, that is not truly working out but it is more exercise than no exercise. I am taking time to walk. I spent about 25 minutes to walk on lunch both days. So although I was not in the gym, I was doing something productive. And I can prove it to myself because my legs are a little sore as I sit here.

In the past, because I had nothing to regulate my progress, I would be down on myself, be angry, be in a spiral. So, I have not exercised in .............. ONE DAY. Today is day two and it is not over. so from 4 days to one day. I did something for me and for my body on both Monday and Tuesday. I am going good, I am still on track, I am still doing the thing that I do....

So instead of being down on myself, I am starting to take stock of what I am doing and being there saying: "Hey Jay! Nice job finding a way to get out there and do something towards a healthier you!"

So mote it be..........

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Oh my aching back

I woke up this morning with a back ache. I am doing this almost every day now. I am not sure
if it is the bed or not. I am starting to think it is the bed and the way I sleep. I sleep kind of propped up due to having acid reflux years ago.

I will be in a situation soon where I can sleep on another bed for a little while.. (work related, no probs in the relationship)

I have to be at work early, have a good bye party after for a friend leaving the state and then I want to hit the gym.

That last part I know will be the hard part... Next week, all next week I am on at 8AM in the morning... (Yes, I know there is no 8AM at night thank you...)

I am hoping to be able to get up and go to the club early or at the very least go late... As I am off at 5PM I should be able to go in the afternoon....

Weight Watchers food plan should be here soon... I hope I am not putting too much faith into it but I do feel like I am into it right now. I am excited to get the last peace of the puzzle down... That is, I am getting some exercise; I am getting rest; now I just need to get the right foods in the right quantities...

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Morning 24!

We went to the gym this morning as I promised my self we would last night. I am still having problems with my knee so I did 10 minutes on the
elliptical and then went to the bike for 20 minutes. I stood up on the bike on and off to work the knee as that is what I did in the X-bike class at Family fitness. It helped and I could really feel it in my legs when I did that. It was a good workout, not a great one. I was not really into it today---

BUT I did go and I did spend about 30 minutes there...

In about a week I should get my Weight Watchers stuff and I am excited about that.. REALLY.... Not joking there. I did the Jenny Graig for a year like 15 years ago and it worked the problem for me with Jenny is that they give you all this food to eat which make you dependent on the food. So once you hit goal and it is time to go back to eating your own food, you eat what you ate before you started. At least that's how it went for me.

With Weight Watchers I am thinking that they will teach you from the get go what to eat and how to regulate that with classes that are filled with real people. (not that Jenny was not)
I can get real feedback, support and a weigh in to help keep me on track. I bet I can get some real easy ideas from the people there to eat less.

I am telling you, with my food being regulated and on a plan that has been proven to work well for years and years, I really think I will be in some seriously better health by June.

I was going to say serious shape, but I am not working out with the intensity, at least today, that will put me in awesome shape, but good shape works for me now. A step at a time...

So, I am pumped that I went today, with my wife of course. I am pumped that I have time to get ready for work, get things together and go on with my bad ass day....

Friday, April 3, 2009

Pizza day.... And Crazy Bread...

We are the crazy couple... We having fun now... I lost it today... Pizza, Crazy Bread... Food... Just dinner though. Lunch and Breakfast was pretty healthy... I had a few eggs and oatmeal for breakfast and then lunch was chicken cooked with the George Forman cooker.. It was really good and took like 10 minutes... These picks are us around 11PM... Just havin fun...


I did mow the lawn, no workie outie... I will in the AM.. If I don't you will know..





As you can see.. It was yummy.. It flew all over my computer area...



Jenifer Leilani had some too!!

Then her evil hand tried to attack me... It was a ticklish experience...

It was my one day off this week..... But I work 8-5 next week and that is fine... I have all kinds of stuff to do this coming week.... I also have to fix the back fence... It is falling apart...


Bottom line on working out for me. I feel great when I do it. I get side tracked but thanks to this blog and you reading, I am doing better. I know I have a few readers and even though there are not a lot of comments, I know people do read it because I get comments at work and when I see people at some of the functions I go to.. Thanks for that.

I have to keep going, keep going, keep going.... And I will..

Sometimes you do, sometimes you don't

I did not work out on either Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday. Just didn't, not excuse, just did not happen. I worked out today, 150 Heart Rate, about 20 minutes. I felt better when I was done. Much better...

It is a mystery to me. I love how I feel when I am done, but hate doing it sometimes, or rather, don't really feel like it...

So, here I am at the end of another day. I did my work out... Yeah for me...

Why the Zoolander shot? Well, I thought about working out and when I go I do have my Ipod, my towel and my look....!

Monday, March 30, 2009

A day of rest


I don't want to go to the gym today. I might latter tonight but I am not doing the spinner class today. I woke up with a sore knee and a sore back.

This is day two of my two days off. I have split days coming so I decided I wanted a day of rest. I wanted a day where I could: 1) see my grandson.
2) mess around the house and play with my dogs.
3) Maybe actually hit my 360 for like 30 minutes!

I bought that thing a few months ago and have used it maybe twice....

Thing is, I like to read in bed before I go to sleep. Right now the book of choice is "The Wizards First Rule." It is a book in the style of Tolken with people on a quest etc.. I am really enjoying it and one of the things I love about the book is that it is BIG. Not is size, in width. I love books that are fun to read that go on forever!!!!! It has a good story to it....

So it is 9AM, I have to work tomorrow and as I have said, I like my job so there is no problem there. But today is my off day and off I go! I am sure I will be back with more before the day is done....

Side note: So Jay; Why no pictures of your food?
Well, the thing is, if I take pictures of my food, I have to think about what I am going to eat. If I have to think about what I am going to eat, I might not eat it. My exercise has been pretty steady but my food has not improved a whole lot. But I could not tell you that for sure as I have not taken pictures of it...

SOOOOO - OK, starting today... with lunch, I will start including my daily food in my blog again...

Bummer...

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Dog park- Check- Vist friends- Check- then the GYM



So we are going to visit some neighbors then go to the gym. That is the plan.. We went to the dog park today and the doggies loved it!!!

We have some business with our awesome neighbors on the left.. Not to be confused with our awesome neighbors on the right... Then..

GYM

That is the plan, I am sticking to it.. I feel pretty good lately. I am still in the fat zone physically but mentally and emotionally I feel better. I am much more alert and alive and I do feel better

Back from the gym... 30 minutes at 80RPM's or better on the bike....

Tomorrow morning.... Spin class.. (If I can get there by 9AM)

......This will be a challenge........

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Choices

Well, last night I wanted to work out but I did not. I had an event and I went, got home early enough but just did not feel it....

Today, I was to go to a breakfast but worked out for a little instead. It felt good to get some sweat going. It is almost time to go to work as I work a later shift today. I am tired. I need some rest.

My weekend starts tomorrow and I am stoked... I am soooo ready for just some ME time...

I don't feel bad about last night because I took care of me and read some of a book I am enjoying...

I feel good. Not great, not crappy, but good. And good is better than crappy. Exercise is a constant in my life now. Some, a little, a lot, it is there, on my mind each and every day and I am being good to me, I just need to get the food thing to a place where I feel good about that too...

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Gymfest update

Well, not a great day at the gym but a good day none the less. I did my bicycle time and some rowing. Jen Lei had some probs with her gym equipment so overall,,,, this is a day I can say "I went!"

It was a 5 on a scale of 1 to 10 maybe a 6. Tomorrow I will do elliptical. I seem to get the best workout with that... I am also going to change my tunes a little.. Some of the songs are blah blah...


I don't think I have lost any major weight and I don't think many people or rather more than one is reading this but I did do this for me to see what I am doing on a day to day business and help me though the hard times...

I am happy with myself for getting back to the gym after my cold. I did not quit! That is BIG!

So, each day is a challenge, a good challenge, but a challenge none the less...

I am also going to start putting pictures of my food up again so I can see what I am eating and so can you! Aren't you excited??

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Back from the Gym


So as you know, I am disgusted with my state of fatness. I went to the gym with my wife again today. I did the bicycle for 30 minutes keeping the RPM's at 80 or better for the whole 30 minutes.

It was a good workout, not a great one. I don't want to kick my own butt her but it was not unbelievably great, just good.

But I also have to remember that I told myself not to beat myself up if I went to the gym and did anything. And honestly, it was better than just anything...

So, I do feel better being home again. I did something and it was a challenge. It also helped my knee. I can tell it helped my knee.

So now I am considering Slim Fast.... Whatever; I am sick of the struggle to get the fat off. I am not quitting the struggle I am just sick of seeing my belly full of jelly that looks like it is all swelly...

Monday, March 23, 2009

And the doctor says....

So, I went to the doctor with my wife today. Looks like my knee is going to be fine with some good old fashioned exercise. I need to do some intense bicycling and that should do it... Something about the muscles around my knee cap or something..


The bad news is... I am tired of being fat. TIRED.... I purchased a new shirt today from Wall mart- Extra freakin large.... Could not button the top...

I am thinking of doing the slim fast just to get this freaking weight off. I hate HATE being fat...
And I am not pleasantly plump, a little pudgy, nicely round.. I am freaking FAT....

???HOW DID THIS HAPPEN???


I woke up one day and BANG there it is!!! I have some serious blubber. None of my clothes fit right. My shirt tops won't close. I am hating it,,,,,, hating it....

So, there you have it...

Thoughts for the day

It is bright and early. 7AM. I woke up from a strange dream which I don't need to talk about. My back hurt, but not my knee... The back hurt some, not a whole lot which is a good thing.

Yesterday, due to my schedule I was not able to go to the gym but I did take the dogs for extended walks and with my daughters dogs I did jog first with them for a little bit then a longer walk. I am OK with that.

Right now I am itching to hit the gym. I can't freakin believe it! I want to go to the gym. We will today. I don't won't to wake her, but the truth is, I may.... I need to tension release. Feels good to feel that way....

I put together a music thing for my workout so I can listen to stuff while I move....

That is all for now for my public blog...

Saturday, March 21, 2009

BACK with a Vengeance BABY!!


I just got back from the gym.... Great sweaty work out tonight.. First one in a week... Loved it...

My wife said something about the gym and off we went.... Feels good to be back!!!

So now I am back home and I am putting together a work out library so I have tunes to work to...

I needed this. I was feeling like being sick killed it for me again.... Now, right this moment, everything I do feels better because I know I took care of myself tonight and I did not do it alone... Jen Looooooo was there right!!!!!!

So in closing... I will end this blog tonight listening to AC/DC and feeling like a million dollars...

Friday, March 20, 2009

Slowley but shurly


So we went to the gym tonight for a ten minute session. You can blame my wife for that. She is the one who said: "Let's go!" That is a good thing!

She did not only 10 minutes but did 25 walking the dogs. Good for her!

So we went because Jenifer Leilani asked us to go... She said: "Do you want to go?" I said no, but lets go anyway...

So we went for a ten minute walk on the treadmill. Works for me as I have been sick and I am just glad I went in... Paid my yearly dues too... $49 bucks a year...! I am a lifetime member of 24 hour fit... What is really nice about that is that I have no excuse to not go. Money will never stand in the way. That is a big deal too considering all the times I have gone, not gone and decided to go again. Even during the year + I did not go I still paid that fee.. I would have to be crazy not to.....

So, each day is a test. Each day is an inch forward or an inch back. Today was an in forward.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

It was a good day

So, I did not go to the gym. I DID walk my dogs for an extended walk and I DID walk Leaha and Peter's dogs for an extended walk. So, I did exercise today and I feel good about it.


The cold is almost completely gone and I love it... Work tomorrow and then work out!

Set backs....


Today is day 5 of sickie Jay. I have not been to a gym or worked on exercise in any way in 4 days. Today is day 5.

That is me. Just awake at 9:30 am. It is 9:46 as we speak. I woke up really, really depressed. I mean, call the therapist I think this is it depressed. As you can see, that is my attempt at looking somewhere in between "Happy!" insane and blank.

I am not that depressed right now. I do know that when I do not work out I get restless and anxious. I realized that last night and also last time I was at work which was Tuesday night.

I like this guy Cesar Milan who is also known as "The Dog Whisperer." He says you need to walk your dogs every day or they get restless and can become aggressive, board, etc. Well, I think that applies to humans too.

I think that after so long of not working out and having this spiral of eating junk and being up and down with depression that my week + of getting to a gym and walking my dogs and my daughters dogs and then not because of sickness has shown me the difference in my life with and with out exercise.

I believe in one of my blogs I mentioned exercise as evil like exorcism or something like that.

I know believe that it is an exorcism but an exorcism of all that is not healthy and all the tension and waste that is built up in my body during the day. I need to exercise to feel better about my self, my life and my choices and I need to exercise to have the energy and wit to make changes when I am not happy with any of my current choices.

If I don't exercise I get depressed, anxious and I quell that by overeating, obsessing, making poor choices and doubting myself and my decisions.

When I do exercise I am strong. I feel good, I feel great, I am full of energy, I make good decisions, I make plans for change for myself and the people I manage. When I exercise I follow through on those plans and changes as I am up much more.

When I get depressed I don't follow through on my plans.

Exercise motivates me. The more I do it, the more motivated I am to do it.

Today I feel better. I mean, my cold is still hanging on but I don't feel like I have a cold except for the cough and the sniffles. Today I need to hit the gym. Not kill myself, not kick my ass, but I do need to hit the gym. I miss my fix.

One of the worst things about this cold is each day is one day that I could have been exercising and one day more that I have not been so I am 5 days behind schedule......

I NEED TO FIX THAT TODAY!

.....Wish me luck bitches.......

Monday, March 16, 2009

Cold Cold Cold


So, whenever I work out and get into a grove it seems something stops me. Right now I have a cold that is keeping me down. My nose is stuffy, and that is my with my new best friend... TP.. Yep, it taint pretty but it helps me with my new work out... Blowing my nose...

As you can see I have moved my work station and I like where it is now...

So back to my cold.. My chest hurts from the occasional cough... I used that cold and cough medicine that has the little guys running around on TV - Musinex which is doing nothing for me but causing me grief.

SO, here I sit, feeling like S#%T and waiting for the cold to leave. I can only hope and pray I still go back to the gym when I feel better....

Where I am and where I have been

So, I got a call from my brother yesterday who was raving about my blog. He said I should read what I wrote at the begging and what I am writing today.

Update: I have been sick the last few days. I missed working out yesterday due to a cold and a close call with my wife... (she is fine)

The day before I did an X-BIKE class with my friend from work and made it all the way through doing diffent levels during the class.

It was a weird class.... They turn down the lights and everything is like black light.. My white towel glowed.. Honestly that part was annoying and I had to take the towel off the front of the stationary bike and put it on my neck. If I did that class again I would wear black and bring a black towel...

I feel great! Even though I have a cold, I feel great. My knee is doing better. My back is doing better..

I have too, I will, hit the gym again today... I need to keep doing this. I need to keep feeling this...

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Jenifer Leilani and I really do go to the gym now!





Here are the pics to prove it.

We are truly going every day. I went twice today.. Once for my 30 minute cardio workout and then after dinner with Jenifer Leilani so she could work it. I just walked for the time we where there...

Sometimes I eat when I am not hungry

At work the other day and last night I noticed that I eat even though I was not hungry. I had cookies last night with milk and I was not even hungry I just needed to eat something.

At work the other night I did the same thing.. It is hard to understand what goes on in my head when this happens. I will try to blog it but from what I can remember I just need to have something to munch on and I don't carry celery. I supposed I could start carrying celery and I do now have some cheese and crackers that we bought tonight.

I just get the need to eat I guess because I am stressed.

A walk with with the dogs on a trail near home









This is a trail we walked on with the dogs who where camera shy.... I just thought I would include some pics that I really like.....

Exercise can be fun!

My day as Jay

Today I went to the gym. Gym fest continues. I told the trainer that we could not afford him right now but when tax returns came we would reconsider. Nice guy, was an actor in a few movies that he said never got released... He was not kidding, I looked up one of them and it was cool to see a clip or two with him in it..

As for me.. I did treadmill for 30 minutes today. Good pace, 1.7 miles. I am going to do the rowing machine tomorrow. I want to keep switching up the machines so I am not stuck in any one place and I don't get board.

Anthony, the trainer, had me do a little weight training and some sit ups. I will continue to do the sit ups but I think I will hold off on the weights right now. I want to work my lower back and cardio. I feel good. After the gym I took our dogs on a really long walk, then mowed back and front lawn, did some weeding. Good day.

My knee is still hurting a bit but not as bad as it was. I am going to get some pain killers so I can get a great nights sleep and not wake up with the raging back ache. I saw my Chiro yesterday and I feel loose today so that is good. My body get tight every three weeks and I need to get it cracked to help me loosen up.

I am hoping with more exercise I will not have the back pain, stomach bulge and knee prob....

One step at a time...

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Is it Wednesday already?

So, I bet your wondering if I, we, have been keeping with the plan of going to the Gym each and every day.. Or doing three on and one off...

Well.... as they say somewhere back east... You bet cha!!! We have faithfully been going to 24 hour fitness each and every day except for yesterday as we both need a day of rest. My upper body is sore, my lower body is sore, I feel fantastic. What I mean by that is my body is sore and achy but not a sickly kind of achy.

My body, outside of recovering from working out, is at peace. I have a ways to go with weight loss. Watching my portion size is a challenge but I am keeping up with it as best I can.

If you have been reading this,,, The three of you, then you might have noticed I stopped taking pictures of what I have been eating. That is because I got tired of showing you all the trash I have been putting down my gullet. It has gotten better though. Outside of the cookies and milk of last night, I have eaten salads, little fast food. Not the every other meal, every day thing I was doing..

I will start putting in pics again of what I am eating and how much. It is hard to get the pics from the phone to the camera. Believe me when I say, the days are long and at the end of the day the last thing I want to do is start fiddling with my phone and the computer and etc..

We went to the gym today and I met with a trainer. He is 56 years old and is tall with good posture. Seems like a nice guy. I liked that he was not real comfortable selling us on the training program. Not because it is a bad program, because he trains and he does that well. He does not sell. I would rather have a great trainer who is an OK salesman than vice-versa.

Jenifer Leilani and I have to talk about how much we can spend to commit to this program. In the past, I have shied away from these type of things but I like the way this guy works and my wife, J L, is also interested and that thrills me....

So, I am sitting at my daughter and son-in-laws house while my daughter sleeps, the grandson sleeps, my wife it helping to prepare some meals for them and I am blogggggging...


Today I learned to use a rowing machine. I did a little weight work on some machines with Anthony who is the training I hooked up with. I also did some sit ups which did not hurt my back. That is a very good thing... I will be doing more of those.... Also walked daughters dogs for a long walk....

I am excited about this phase of my journey. I am hopeful with the right guidance, self praise and commitment from Jenifer Leilani to do it with me that I can really, really make a change in my life and a year from now look back at this blog and say....

"Wow, remember when I was heavy?"

I will put in pics tonight...

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Resutls.....

So, We did go Saturday too. On Friday we went for a really long walk with the dogs then I walked my daughters dogs too...

Today is Sunday and we went today.... Where do you ask???

Why the Gym of course! I am feeling better each day. Physically and mentally. My back hurt like hell this morning but yesterday I had walk dogs, done the gym and mowed the lawn at my Son-in-law and daughters house. My back hurting is not a surprise. My left knee still bugs me but not as bad as at first and I am doing mostly elliptical so no major stress on the knees...

Today I was on the elliptical machine for 20 minutes, went to the stair master, then back to a treadmill.

Food today: Rice and meat. Eggs, toast and cereal. Rice and chicken.

Benefits: Energy dude, energy.....! Even better... Jenifer Leilani is with me every step of the way!

Friday, March 6, 2009

Three day on- one day off

So today we took a day off from the gym. Three days on and one day off. We did go for a walk with the dogs on a really nice trail.

I am tired. Less sore now. Also, I am noticing more energy throughout they day. I know that sounds weird after only three days but it is true, at least I think it is true..

My left knee is still hurting me with bothers me a lot. It is not like a hard hurt but it is annoying and I am sure if I over do something it will probably get bad fast. I will have it looked at soon as I really don't want anything to get in the way of my working out.

On the bright side, I am going to do the elliptical tomorrow again as I liked the feel of the workout it gave me and that it does not mess with my knee. Next week I want to try a spinning class. This is a class that is an hour, (I will do a half) of intense bicycling.

That should be a blast as I have done one before but I was hating it and had not done any working out before that...

This time it will be better!!!

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Gymfest Day 3!

Day 3- Little bit harder... Did the elliptical for 30 minutes straight today.. My knee hurts, my back hurts... But really, hurts is the wrong word.. More like sore...


The knee, I did the elliptical for the knee so there was a little less pounding on it today..

Jenifer Leilani was there with me as always... We are committed to making this work!!

day 3 and going strong....

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Day two of GYM FEST!!!!


dD

Day two of visiting the Gym.. Jenifer Leilani and I are on day two of GYM FEST! We are committed to visiting the gym each and every day and I want to run in an upcoming event in May...

Today she did the treadmill and so did I. I also did the stair climber for 10 minutes... It was hard...

Then we went to breakfast... YOU got to start somewhere! And we did not pig out at breakfast...

Oh yeah baby.. GYMFEST!!!




One more thing.. So, like I said, we went to breakfast after.. I had 3 eggs, scrambled. pancakes, short stack and two pieces of bacon and two sausage.. Right now my stomach feels a little upset... I am trying to track how I feel after I eat.... And now looking at what I eat.. I think I ate a little two much although it did not seem like it at the time..... Learning, learning, learning...

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

I went to the GYM!!



I went to the gym today.. Jenifer and I went together and spent 30 minutes on the treadmill... Finally.....

YEAH FOR ME!!!

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Nothing says I am fat like a sweater....


Nothing says I am fat like a sweater! Now, I am not being down on myself, that is just my reality right now. Tonight I have this event I am going to. You need to dress up. I have pants that fit now as I went out and purchased some but none of my shirts fit well enough to close the

Collar.



So, I went to the mainstay... A work shirt that is white with a sweater on. Dressed but not in the fashion I wanted. I wanted to wear a white shirt or dark shirt with a nice tie but none of my shirts fit well enough to do that.

I need some good dress up clothes. I like to look really sharp when I go out and although I look good, I really wanted to close the top button and wear a tie tonight.. I should have planned ahead...

On the bright side, I have exercised these last few days. No, no gym, but I have walked both sets of dogs for extended periods and I have not sat still for long on my two days "off."

Tomorrow is Sunday and I believe I am off Friday Sat and Sun next week!!! If so, I will be doing all kinds of fun stuff and exercising to boot.. I am getting more and more enthused about this work out thing, getting in shape thing.. I am also seriously considering riding my bicycle to work when the weather is nice.. I already have street tires on it and I have lights too..

Friday, February 27, 2009

So, do you remember me?


Yep,,,, When your not having success in the goal your attempting,,, you don't want to blog about it.

I have yet to hit the gym. Today, may be the day..
I have walked my dogs, walked my daughters dogs to help them out, and started walking around more at work.

The eating is up and down. I need to start taking picture of what I eat again so you and I can see what I eat...

It has been a few days because well, the truth is not so grim...

I have spent the last week working, and helping out my Daughter, son-in-law and grandson by walking their dogs... So, I have not just been sitting around...

I am going to start looking through the blogs for other weight loss blogs to help inspire myself..

Thanks for keeping with me!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

I have not gone away...

I am here. Exhausted. I went to a motivation seminar today. It was OK. Some of it was great, some blah.. I am still not in major weight loss mode... Life goes on.... I am tired.. Just wanted to check in..

More later..

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Professional me....


Here I am at 6:52 AM on a Thursday. I have a meeting at 8AM. Whatever is going on in my personal life at the time, I have to be on, looking good, in the right space at my job. My job is not a place where my personal feelings take precedence over my "work mode"...

My beard is trimmed, my clothes neat and clean I am awake and ready to rock.....

We have a meeting this morning for managers. I will be at work on and off from 8AM to about 9PM today... This is rare at my job but it does happen once in a while... Sometimes I feel work is the refuge, sometimes Friday does not come soon enough... Today begins a 7 days stretch.. Do to this meeting, schedules where changed and here we are....

What does this have to do with weight loss? Um, everything!

Up early for work, but not at the gym. I will not beat myself up again. I do what I can, I can what I do, I am who I am, if you don't like it ......

No seriously, the only bummer about getting up this early for work is that I do not have a car. I have a really nice Yamaha 11,000 but it has not roof, no doors, nothing enclosed so when I do go to work, my hair gets messed up, I have to dress up in this safety suit and it is just a general hassle.

But that was my choice when I bought it. I should have purchased a car.. Oh well...

So now I get ready to go. I will eat something as the last time we had a meeting they brought in doughnuts for us.....


On ward and up ward!!!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Sleep does wonders...

So, I did sleep after my last blog... I slept and slept and slept..

Then I went up on the roof (pics to follow) and took down some lights that where now out of season.. (last of them). Then I did some work in back, walked the dogs, did this and that and feel better for it...

Yeah me....

Home, home in the john...


Little Jacob is home.. My wife is over there helping clean, etc...

So, I am home today. Day two of my two days off. I have had stomach issues for about a week now.. It does not help that I have eaten a lot of crummy food... I am tired. I am tired a lot lately.

I still wake up with a back ache and still have not exercised. It is somewhat sunny for the first day in also about a week and I am debating weather to sleep more or just go outside... I have cleaned up the dog poop from out back so that is one thing done...

I am on the crapper a lot. When I eat now it is because I am really hungry. I eat but then off I go to johnsville. I am so defeated right now and I don't want to go anywhere else. It's like I just give up! Why bother? It is such an uphill climb with trying to work out while having stomach upsets and waking up with back hurting... I just want to sleep, sleep, sleep...

SO, maybe I will.. But I am hungry again.....

Spiral.. That is what this is... A spiral...

So as my tummy says owe and my eyes say close... my back says ache and my mouth says eat...

Ya know I don't edit this stuff right?

OK, I will try to take care of myself today.....
"Don't try young skywalker.. Do...."

Snorrrrrrrrr

Monday, February 16, 2009

The baby, the Grand pa and the food

So, my Grandson is still in the hospital due to Jaundice. This is normal and he should be home soon. My daughter is here now and we are all a part of the progress in one way or another.

I am doing fine. I was pretty depressed last night and I am not sure why really except that with the baby and work and just stuff I got a little overwhelmed.

We went shopping for food this morning and I have yogurt, bread, some cheese and other healthy type snacks for today...

I have yet to go to the gym... But I am not going to beat myself up for it...

Saturday, February 14, 2009

First full day of life for Jacob outside the womb


We are at the hospital for Jacobs first full day of life. He is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen. I know all Grandfathers say that but it is so true. The pictures don't lie. It makes me want to get in better shape because when I hold him my back hurts a tiny bit & I want to hold him for hours and hours.

I walked the dogs this morning for 30 minutes briskly. It felt really good to do that.

My knee was a touch annoying on the walk but I hope that goes away soon. I intend to do at least 30 minutes every day & start some kind of upper & lower back exercise to strenthen my back...

It has been a very good day for Grandpa Jay..

Friday, February 13, 2009

I am a Grand dad

Little Jacob is 9 pounds 9 ounces and 22 inches long....! I am a Granddad!!

That is my daughter Leaha... Now I know what it is to be blessed.....

1PM still waiting

I go back to the nurses station about once an hour...My wife & my son-in-laws mother (Pat) went back this time to check.. The little one should be here in about 30 minutes!!!! We wait, we wait,..Is it soup yet???